Dead Island to become feature film?and it's ... - Bits 'n' Bytes Gaming

Posted by Chad M. on Wednesday, September 28, 2011 ? Leave a Comment?

Artist?s con?cep?tion of a movie poster or an unhinged writer?s cry for?help?

It?s A Dead Man?s Party?Who Could Ask For?More?

Seri?ous crit?ics like this one agree, the Dead Island trailer was awesome??Game, what?game?

So, we at Bits ?n? Bytes Gam?ing?received a press release say?ing that Dead Ri- I mean Left 4-?Dead Island ? that?s the one ? is appar?ently being turned into a movie by Lion?s?gate Enter?tain?ment. Lion?s?gate is of course known for dis?trib?ut?ing such cin?e?matic clas?sics as Uwe Boll?s Alone in the Dark, Bratz: The Movie and Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspec?tor. So it?s entirely under?stand?able that they?re going to treat a game that has sold pri?mar?ily on the strength of its over?wrought and emo?tion?ally manip?u?la?tive trailer with ten?der love and care. After all, zom?bie films still have a high level of cred?i?bil?ity in our day and age,?right?

The release describes Dead Island as a ?global brand? (that was fast)?introduced through its ?non-linear? and ?wrench?ing? trailer which received unan?i?mous crit?i?cal praise (guess they didn?t read my arti?cle), while label?ing it ?haunt?ing? and ?art?ful?. You know, I went to art school for a semes?ter and I can safely say if some?one says their paint?ing of smeared feces is art, you damn well bet?ter believe them.?According to the arti?cle, Wired, Col?lege Humor and G4TV called it the best video game trailer of all time. In fact, the press release goes on to men?tion G4TV call?ing it ?The best video game trailer.? The best movie trailer. The best any?thing trailer.? Hmm. G4TV cov?er?ing video games in between episodes of COPS and Cheaters? This could be a bold new direc?tion for the channel.

Seri?ously, did Will Ferrell?s par?ody of James Lip?ton write this press release? I?m sur?prised it doesn?t say ?when the Dead Island trailer debuted, the gam?ing media had its sore lum?bar mas?saged by flights of seraphim whilst their nip?ples were tweaked play?fully by the?muses.?

Cap?com turned zom?bies into clowns. Clowns with a spot in their head that when shot will cause it to ?blow?up?.

Zom?bies?were used by George Romero to lam?poon and cri?tique Amer?i?can con?sumer cul?ture. Now they have become a cot?tage indus?try that?s con?sumed by peo?ple who fan?tas?ti?cally miss the point of the soci?o?log?i?cal zom?bie film, and are prob?a?bly just in it for the gore. Yes, con?grat?u?la?tions to Max Brooks, Zack Sny?der and Cap?com: you are all guilty of this dilu?tion of the zom?bie into a prod?uct. A cri?tique of con?spic?u?ous con?sump?tion becom?ing a prof?itable indus?try? Hold your horses, stage?coach of?irony!

Now to be fair, zom?bies have been a ? par?don the pun ? dead genre since Edgar Wright?s stel?lar par?ody,?Shaun of the Dead. Since then, zom?bies have become increas?ingly pop?u?lar, prob?a?bly to the detri?ment of soci?ety as a whole. We?ve had vapid zombie-killing movies, entire mes?sage boards ded?i?cated to prepar?ing for a zom?bie apoc?a?lypse (leav?ing us all hor?ri?bly vul?ner?a?ble to the real threat of rogue arti?fi?cial intel?li?gences and Sec?toid inva?sions). Hon?estly, I really doubt a Dead Island flick will do any?thing new or inter?est?ing for the genre. It will just be another crappy videogame movie.

Don?t make promises you can?t keep,?Floyd.

Now, I can actu?ally under?stand why you would want to see some videogames turned into movies: they would just never stand a chance of being good. Let me bring up the Doom movie again. Doom has a sim?ple con?cept and a minis?cule amount of sto?ry?line. Basi?cally, sci?en?tists open a port?hole to Hell and demons come stream?ing through; one tough SOB has to kill ?em all. Hol?ly?wood man?aged to turn that sim?ple premise into two hours and maybe four ammo clips empty, not to men?tion they dropped the whole ?demons from Hell? angle and just turned it into another virus. Yeah, don?t want to be too?edgy and scare away the?Shrek crowd?with your hard-R rated action-horror flick, Universal.

I see a Dead Island movie as the same thing. Per?haps even more so. After all, what was the orig?i?nal Dead Island trailer but a cyn?i?cal, manip?u?la?tive mar?ket?ing ploy intended to get peo?ple inter?ested in a middling-to-merely OK prod?uct? And I have a feel?ing this is exactly the kind of crap Lion?s?gate is going to pull. It?s a cyn?i?cal ploy to make a fast buck on a rec?og?niz?able title. Well, an emerg?ing rec?og?niz?able title. Let?s see if any?one can still remem?ber Dead Island existed by?this time next year. Heck, most of us have already for?got?ten about Duke Nukem For?ever. Thank?fully.

But let?s face it, even crappy games can have movies based on them ? the fact that Blood?rayne was just a vam?pire?T&A-festival and Dun?geon Siege was a bland Dia?blo clone made them ripe for Uwe ?Ze Only Fock?ing Gee?niuz In Ze Businez? Boll to adapt into his only tan?gen?tially related films. Let?s face it. You don?t really have tal?ented direc?tors like Dun?can Jones or Gullermo Del Toro lin?ing up to make videogame flicks. You have two-bit hacks like Paul W.S. Ander?son and Christoph Gans churn?ing out this crap for an easy pay?check. The videogame movie isn?t really?a medium for thought?ful artis?tic intro?spec?tion or even com?pe?tently shot action sequences. You could offer me another Res?i?dent Evil flick with more explo?sions and zom?bie killing than ever; I?d still rather watch Die Hard or Preda?tor.

Why hire 100,000 zom?bies when one Preda?tor can cause the same amount of mayhem?

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Filed under Culture, Editorials, Features, Opinion ? Tagged with dead island, dead island movie, Deep Silver, games, gaming, gaming news, ghoul, ghouls, news, this is gonna suck, undead, walking corpse, walking dead, zombie, zombies

Source: http://bnbgaming.com/2011/09/28/dead-island-to-become-feature-film-and-its-going-to-suck/

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